Maintaining Weak Ties
Acquaintances, former colleagues, and distant friends are disproportionately valuable. Learn why your extended network matters more than you think and how to keep it alive.
The Strength of Weak Ties
In 1973, sociologist Mark Granovetter published one of the most cited papers in social science: The Strength of Weak Ties. His finding was counterintuitive — the people who help you most in life are not your closest friends, but your acquaintances. Close friends share your world. Weak ties bridge to different worlds entirely, giving you access to information, opportunities, and perspectives that would never reach you through your inner circle alone.
Why Weak Ties Matter
Novel Information
Your close friends know what you know. Weak ties move in different circles, exposing you to ideas, opportunities, and perspectives you would never encounter otherwise.
Job Opportunities
Granovetter's landmark research found that most people find jobs through acquaintances, not close friends. Weak ties act as bridges between clusters of people who otherwise wouldn't connect.
Diverse Perspectives
Close friends tend to think like you — that's partly why you're close. Weak ties challenge your assumptions and introduce you to different ways of thinking, making you more creative and adaptable.
Broader Reach
Each weak tie connects you to an entirely different network of people. A hundred weak ties give you access to thousands of second-degree connections — your close friends only give you overlapping circles.
Dunbar's Number: Layers of Relationships
Anthropologist Robin Dunbar found that humans can maintain roughly 150 stable relationships, organized in concentric layers. Each layer requires different levels of investment.
Intimate
Your innermost circle. These are the people you turn to in a crisis — typically a partner, best friends, or close family. Requires frequent, deep interaction to maintain.
Daily to weekly contact
Close Friends
People you trust deeply and would call good friends. You share personal details and feel comfortable asking for favors. Missing one birthday would be noticed.
Weekly to monthly contact
Good Friends
People you'd invite to a group dinner or a party. You enjoy their company and keep up with their lives, but the relationship is less intimate. This is where weak ties begin.
Monthly to quarterly contact
Meaningful Contacts
The outer boundary of your stable social network. You know these people by name and have enough history that you could have a real conversation if you bumped into them. This is the weak tie sweet spot.
Quarterly to biannual contact
Why Weak Ties Decay Faster
No shared context
Close friends share daily life. Weak ties share nothing unless you create touchpoints. Without regular interaction, the relationship fades to nothing within 1-2 years.
Out of sight, out of mind
Humans are wired for proximity. When you don't see someone regularly, they simply stop coming to mind. This is why intentional systems are essential — you can't rely on spontaneous motivation.
Awkwardness of reaching out
The longer you go without contact, the harder it feels to reach out. People overthink it — but almost everyone appreciates a genuine message, even after years of silence.
No system in place
Most people maintain weak ties accidentally. Without a system — a list, a reminder, a habit — your network shrinks to whoever you happen to bump into. Intentional beats accidental every time.
Practical Maintenance Strategies
Periodic Check-ins
Set a simple cadence — even 2-3 brief messages per week to different people in your extended network. A quick "saw this and thought of you" or "congrats on the new role" keeps connections warm without being time-consuming.
Social Media Engagement
Thoughtful comments on posts go further than likes. When someone shares a win, a project, or an insight, leave a genuine comment. This is low-effort maintenance that keeps you on their radar.
Group Events & Gatherings
Host or attend events that bring together people from different parts of your life. A casual dinner, a meetup, or a group activity lets you maintain many weak ties simultaneously while creating new connections between people.
Be a Connector
When you introduce two people who should know each other, both remember you positively. Being the person who connects others is one of the highest-leverage social strategies — it strengthens two weak ties with a single action.
Share Useful Things
Forward an article, recommend a tool, or pass along a job posting that's relevant to someone specific. Targeted sharing shows you remember what they care about — and it gives you a natural reason to reach out.
Leverage Life Transitions
Job changes, moves, and major life events are natural reconnection points. When someone announces a change, reach out. When you go through a transition, let your extended network know — it reactivates dormant ties.
Streak Goals
Set a weekly streak goal like "Reach out to 3 people" in Tormel. The streak mechanic turns relationship maintenance into a consistent habit rather than something you do when you remember.
People Tracking
Use Tormel's People feature to keep track of your contacts, birthdays, and anniversaries. Never miss an easy touchpoint. A birthday message is one of the simplest ways to maintain a weak tie.
Promises
When you tell someone you'll send them that article or make that introduction, log it as a promise. Following through on small commitments is what separates a genuine connection from a forgotten one.